He's really just manhandling Yves, pulling him up and into his lap as he settles down on the ground, positioning him so that he can hide his face against his shoulder if he wants.
He can be guilty and self-hating while being held like a little baby. ]
[ he is so baffled right now that he kind of forgets to just fucking cry????? like an idiot??????
though he does lift his head and keep a hand curled into the front of claude's shirt like he's not sure whether he wants to cling on or push away to regain distance? ]
[ Yes, Yves... this is how you baffle him on a regular basis.
He doesn't say anything at first, and it's hard to get a read of his feelings, like he can't quite settle in one place. There's a low thrum of frustration, along with guilt, and melancholy. ]
the confusion persists, along with a vague sense like he shouldn’t be accepting this care… but yves is always a bit greedy for attention. especially claude’s
the guilt heightens a bit, but he rests his head against claude’s shoulder anyway as he watches him ]
[ noooooo there's actual such a palpable pang of hurt at that even as he shrinks a bit. claude's mad at him again ]
... no. But she asked me not to tell anyone, otherwise I would've told you.
[ did you know that with the apple to cure affliction that yves currently has right now in this thread, he would've only told lucas and claude about it ]
I told her I'd ask the angels what happens to the people who are afflicted, and then I did... and everyone came up with their discussion and their contributions today. After hearing what Mizu said, and you did...
I didn't share any of that because I thought people should be ambushed and slaughtered at trial. Without even a chance to recognize what's happening or say goodbye.
[ But maybe he's being too soft. He's frustrated with himself too, for not seeing it, and for not being able to predict what was going to happen.
And since the cat's out of the bag, he knows how deeply he would hate for someone to do that to him. ]
I get that you were trying to help her and protect the rest of us at the same time, and that it wasn't easy on you either. I'm just disappointed that it played out like that.
[ he doesn't know how badly players will more than one kill want to die ]
he'll shift then, not entirely out of claude's lap because he's really not strong enough to actually impose any true distance himself, but enough to look claude in the eye. there's no defensiveness, no argument, no feelings of stubbornness. ]
... I know you're right. [ it was brutal and it was quick and even if there is a mercy in not having it play out like sunday, it wasn't kind. ]
So I don't expect you to be kind to me. You don't have to force yourself to be close while you're disappointed.
[ Looking back at him, slightly shaking his head and then guiding him to rest back against shoulder. ]
None of that is going to make me want to not be kind to you. It doesn't change that you're my friend, and you went through something painful. I want to be here for you.
[ . . . ]
Unless you think I'm a jerk and want me to get lost.
[ he's still unsure! he still feels like he doesn't deserve this! however he also lets his head rest against claude's shoulder when guided, and he nestles in because he's a selfish and greedy person who can't deny the kindness he's offered when he wants it so badly. gratitude and fondness color his emotions, even if they are also painted with swaths of guilt. ]
I'd never want you to leave. [ even if that's exactly what happens tomorrow ] I can't call you a jerk when I think you're right.
... thank you for being honest with me. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better.
[ Just snuggle there, you little punk. Claude's own emotions are relatively calm, though there is a thread of frustration there. Followed by fatigue, and his own sense of guilt. ]
Don't apologize, it's okay. [ He's unhappy with how things went, but he doesn't want Yves to feel any guilt over it. Even though that's basically impossible after everything he just said. ] You were doing everything you could to help.
It's on the rest of us for remaining ignorant that there was anything going on.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Is he crying... ]
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[ scruffed
anyway no he's not but the emotions are so fucking bad! guilt! a sense of failure! self-hatred! they are spilling everywhere and it's so stupid.
also more guilt suddenly for another stupid reason ]
... I didn't bring the wine this week because I didn't know if you'd show up.
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He's really just manhandling Yves, pulling him up and into his lap as he settles down on the ground, positioning him so that he can hide his face against his shoulder if he wants.
He can be guilty and self-hating while being held like a little baby. ]
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though he does lift his head and keep a hand curled into the front of claude's shirt like he's not sure whether he wants to cling on or push away to regain distance? ]
... Claude?
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He doesn't say anything at first, and it's hard to get a read of his feelings, like he can't quite settle in one place. There's a low thrum of frustration, along with guilt, and melancholy. ]
Yeah?
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the confusion persists, along with a vague sense like he shouldn’t be accepting this care… but yves is always a bit greedy for attention. especially claude’s
the guilt heightens a bit, but he rests his head against claude’s shoulder anyway as he watches him ]
… are you okay?
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He's just quiet. Tired. ]
I'm fine. It's been a long day.
[ Is this him being moody... ]
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[ listen
it’s just a lot of audacity even for yves. unfortunately he just feels impressed and fond about it.
but he’ll lift his hand to run through claude’s hair anyway ]
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[ Irritated. ]
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[ oop. sheeepish... ]
But you're already comforting me, so I think I'll be okay. I'd be much worse off if you were mad at me.
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[ Punk. ]
You're so reckless. Why did you decide to do that on your own? Did she ask you to kill her?
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... no. But she asked me not to tell anyone, otherwise I would've told you.
[ did you know that with the apple to cure affliction that yves currently has right now in this thread, he would've only told lucas and claude about it ]
I told her I'd ask the angels what happens to the people who are afflicted, and then I did... and everyone came up with their discussion and their contributions today. After hearing what Mizu said, and you did...
[ well. it solidified things for him ]
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[ But maybe he's being too soft. He's frustrated with himself too, for not seeing it, and for not being able to predict what was going to happen.
And since the cat's out of the bag, he knows how deeply he would hate for someone to do that to him. ]
I get that you were trying to help her and protect the rest of us at the same time, and that it wasn't easy on you either. I'm just disappointed that it played out like that.
[ he doesn't know how badly players will more than one kill want to die ]
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he'll shift then, not entirely out of claude's lap because he's really not strong enough to actually impose any true distance himself, but enough to look claude in the eye. there's no defensiveness, no argument, no feelings of stubbornness. ]
... I know you're right. [ it was brutal and it was quick and even if there is a mercy in not having it play out like sunday, it wasn't kind. ]
So I don't expect you to be kind to me. You don't have to force yourself to be close while you're disappointed.
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[ Looking back at him, slightly shaking his head and then guiding him to rest back against shoulder. ]
None of that is going to make me want to not be kind to you. It doesn't change that you're my friend, and you went through something painful. I want to be here for you.
[ . . . ]
Unless you think I'm a jerk and want me to get lost.
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I'd never want you to leave. [ even if that's exactly what happens tomorrow ] I can't call you a jerk when I think you're right.
... thank you for being honest with me. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better.
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Don't apologize, it's okay. [ He's unhappy with how things went, but he doesn't want Yves to feel any guilt over it. Even though that's basically impossible after everything he just said. ] You were doing everything you could to help.
It's on the rest of us for remaining ignorant that there was anything going on.