[ DON'T BE WORRIED... He just sighs, closing his eyes, trying to figure out how to articulate his thoughts. ]
You're one of the dearest friends that I have, Yves. [ ... ] You've shown me more kindness and grace than I deserve, frankly.
... I want your happiness. For you to put yourself first, and be put first. [ He just thinks his friend deserves the world!! ] So if there's a chance for you to have that, I want to be able to support you.
[ . . . well, it's good that emotionshare isn't active this week. because this one hurts. he'll just hide his face away briefly in claude's shoulder as he composes himself.
at the heart of it, yves has been as open with his feelings as he can be. to show his love every moment. if he's still not chosen, then what can he do? softly, he speaks to the heart of the matter: ]
... I can't make anyone do that, so I guess it must be me. [ if no one puts him first, then what can he do? ]
This is enough, really. I've always known I'm difficult to love.
[ He's sorry. It doesn't mean anything at all, though, but he's so sorry, and he wishes that all the care and affection that he feels was enough. That he cares about you so much Yves, but he will always put his duty and his country first. But he doesn't know how to be a person, and all this is just a small break from the reality of his life.
He doesn't get love. He's too afraid. He doesn't want to love you just because he's been lonely his entire life, and you're the first person to see and accept him. And he doesn't know- ]
That's not true.
[ It's not. It's not! And he holds him tight, and there's so much sorrow in his voice even though Yves is the one hurting. ]
You're the easiest person in the world to love, Yves. I do love you, I really do.
this was supposed to be a conversation about jacopo ]
... I told you that you don't have to say it back... Now you can't use it for your depressing drinking game prompts...
[ the way that his mind is clearly reeling about what this conversation suddenly is and what's going on because he doesn't know how to make sense of claude saying that he loves him. he knew that claude cared about him. that wasn't hard. for all that claude claims distance and space, he's always been one of the first and only to ever truly reach out to yves. to close the space between them, and how was yves ever supposed to stand a chance against that?
he holds claude in return, trying to gather his thoughts for a moment. ]
... I love you, too. [ to get that out of the way first, because he's said it so many times and he will continue to do so. there's no confusion in this statement.
but there is some uncertainty in the next: ] So why does it sound like such a sad thing, Claude?
[ yves is greedy enough to accept any type of love from someone he cares about so deeply—but there is some worry. is a love that's this painful worth it? ]
[ HE CAN'T USE IT FOR DRINKING GAMES ANYMORE that's okay ]
Because I know it's not how you want me to love you.
[ And he wishes that it was. He doesn't want to jerk Yves around, to string him along or give him false hope. He wants Yves to have all the love in the world, beyond what Claude can give him.
Is that cruel? He doesn't know. ]
I meant it when I said that you're one of my dearest friends. [ And that means so much to him. It's such a blessing and a gift, and he doesn't know if Yves understands how that alone is so frightening to him. ] And even if it's not exactly how you want, you should know that you are easy to love.
[ There's a lot uncertain. Romance, love, choosing someone. He can't say with full certainty that he knows what those feel like, but he knows that he cares for Yves in a way that's precious and unique. A type of trust unlike any other that he's shown. He knows it's not enough, but it's true to how he feels. ]
[ ah.... so that's what it is. this again. to be loved, but not in the way he wants. it would be a lie to say that hope did not buoy him for a moment—to think that maybe, just maybe, he would get it this time. that it would be the right feeling from the right person and he would get to cross the line from love, love, love to in love.
. . . but at least to him, this ache is familiar. he's been here before. claude hasn't.
it feels too sad, to have the first moment that he says that he loves someone be tinted with such sorrow.
yves shifts just so that he can look at claude, and his hand comes up to claude's cheek again just to try to guide his face so that their eyes can meet and their foreheads touch. and even if it's not quite right, even if yves still finds himself looking for something that he can't have—he smiles and it is sincere, it is adoring, and it betrays every way he's so unbearably in love with claude. ]
I know you've never said it before. It must be difficult to navigate. [ given everything else claude has going on and how he's even admitted he doesn't trust anyone here ] But I don't want you to think that this beautiful, precious feeling falls short by any measure.
[ maybe it's not exact, but who cares! ]
If I can make you understand just how much you mean to me and receive your care in return, I do think of that as my victory.
Oh, Claude. All I can think about is how lucky I am—to be loved by you.
[ He closes his eyes, letting their foreheads rest together. This is really not how he expected this conversation to go, but he wonders if his feelings came across. Did he properly articulate how much he cares? The high regard with which he holds this affection? How wholeheartedly he wishes for Yves' happiness?
He's always had a hard time connecting with others. Even the attempts he'd made in recently years have been stilted, awkward, never quite meeting right.
Even now, he's not quite right. He knows that much. He wishes he could go back to his younger self, warn him how much he'd regret locking away that heart of his.
He does love though, just not quite right. ]
Lucky... [ He smiles a little, opening his eyes again to meet Yves' gaze. ] It wasn't a stroke of luck that make this happen, Yves.
It was you and me. So thank you, for sticking with me.
[ not luck, but choice. what it means that even if you don't choose someone in the way that yves imagines, can you still make the right decisions to end up by their side? yves sighs a little when claude makes their eyes meet and it's only a little (read: terribly) lovestruck.
claude's heart has been sealed away for so long and yves' is so open it risks tumbling right out of his chest.
his thumb brushes against claude's cheek and he fights against the urge to kiss him again. ]
... mm. I do think every step we took to get here is important, too. Even if I don't think you need to thank me for that...
Everything feels like it makes a little more sense, when I'm next to you.
[ . . . and maybe it's just a little difficult to fight against the impulse that hits him then, even if he's trying to behave. he tilts his head just to press another kiss to claude's cheek, even if this time he strays, whether on purpose or by mishap, who's to say.
his lips land right at the corner of claude's mouth—close, but not quite right. ]
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no subject
You're one of the dearest friends that I have, Yves. [ ... ] You've shown me more kindness and grace than I deserve, frankly.
... I want your happiness. For you to put yourself first, and be put first. [ He just thinks his friend deserves the world!! ] So if there's a chance for you to have that, I want to be able to support you.
no subject
at the heart of it, yves has been as open with his feelings as he can be. to show his love every moment. if he's still not chosen, then what can he do? softly, he speaks to the heart of the matter: ]
... I can't make anyone do that, so I guess it must be me. [ if no one puts him first, then what can he do? ]
This is enough, really. I've always known I'm difficult to love.
no subject
He doesn't get love. He's too afraid. He doesn't want to love you just because he's been lonely his entire life, and you're the first person to see and accept him. And he doesn't know- ]
That's not true.
[ It's not. It's not! And he holds him tight, and there's so much sorrow in his voice even though Yves is the one hurting. ]
You're the easiest person in the world to love, Yves. I do love you, I really do.
[ He's sorry it's not enough. ]
no subject
this was supposed to be a conversation about jacopo ]
... I told you that you don't have to say it back... Now you can't use it for your depressing drinking game prompts...
[ the way that his mind is clearly reeling about what this conversation suddenly is and what's going on because he doesn't know how to make sense of claude saying that he loves him. he knew that claude cared about him. that wasn't hard. for all that claude claims distance and space, he's always been one of the first and only to ever truly reach out to yves. to close the space between them, and how was yves ever supposed to stand a chance against that?
he holds claude in return, trying to gather his thoughts for a moment. ]
... I love you, too. [ to get that out of the way first, because he's said it so many times and he will continue to do so. there's no confusion in this statement.
but there is some uncertainty in the next: ] So why does it sound like such a sad thing, Claude?
[ yves is greedy enough to accept any type of love from someone he cares about so deeply—but there is some worry. is a love that's this painful worth it? ]
no subject
Because I know it's not how you want me to love you.
[ And he wishes that it was. He doesn't want to jerk Yves around, to string him along or give him false hope. He wants Yves to have all the love in the world, beyond what Claude can give him.
Is that cruel? He doesn't know. ]
I meant it when I said that you're one of my dearest friends. [ And that means so much to him. It's such a blessing and a gift, and he doesn't know if Yves understands how that alone is so frightening to him. ] And even if it's not exactly how you want, you should know that you are easy to love.
[ There's a lot uncertain. Romance, love, choosing someone. He can't say with full certainty that he knows what those feel like, but he knows that he cares for Yves in a way that's precious and unique. A type of trust unlike any other that he's shown. He knows it's not enough, but it's true to how he feels. ]
no subject
. . . but at least to him, this ache is familiar. he's been here before. claude hasn't.
it feels too sad, to have the first moment that he says that he loves someone be tinted with such sorrow.
yves shifts just so that he can look at claude, and his hand comes up to claude's cheek again just to try to guide his face so that their eyes can meet and their foreheads touch. and even if it's not quite right, even if yves still finds himself looking for something that he can't have—he smiles and it is sincere, it is adoring, and it betrays every way he's so unbearably in love with claude. ]
I know you've never said it before. It must be difficult to navigate. [ given everything else claude has going on and how he's even admitted he doesn't trust anyone here ] But I don't want you to think that this beautiful, precious feeling falls short by any measure.
[ maybe it's not exact, but who cares! ]
If I can make you understand just how much you mean to me and receive your care in return, I do think of that as my victory.
Oh, Claude. All I can think about is how lucky I am—to be loved by you.
no subject
He's always had a hard time connecting with others. Even the attempts he'd made in recently years have been stilted, awkward, never quite meeting right.
Even now, he's not quite right. He knows that much. He wishes he could go back to his younger self, warn him how much he'd regret locking away that heart of his.
He does love though, just not quite right. ]
Lucky... [ He smiles a little, opening his eyes again to meet Yves' gaze. ] It wasn't a stroke of luck that make this happen, Yves.
It was you and me. So thank you, for sticking with me.
no subject
claude's heart has been sealed away for so long and yves' is so open it risks tumbling right out of his chest.
his thumb brushes against claude's cheek and he fights against the urge to kiss him again. ]
... mm. I do think every step we took to get here is important, too. Even if I don't think you need to thank me for that...
Everything feels like it makes a little more sense, when I'm next to you.
[ . . . and maybe it's just a little difficult to fight against the impulse that hits him then, even if he's trying to behave. he tilts his head just to press another kiss to claude's cheek, even if this time he strays, whether on purpose or by mishap, who's to say.
his lips land right at the corner of claude's mouth—close, but not quite right. ]