It was a guzheng. Mm... I don't know how to describe it, I've never seen anything like it before. It looked like this, and it had strings that she would pluck. The sound was different than anything I'd ever heard, but it was really elegant.
[ and he'll draw the shape out on the table between them, and then mime the actions that waner took to make actual music ]
She learned from her mother. They were really close.
[ runs his thumb over the back of claude's knuckles in repetitive, slow little strokes
(this too is like scien even tho yves would never hold scien's hand like this) ]
If you want to walk around and look for clues, we can do that. But I think... after two weeks of this, I'm not sure if that's an effective use of time either.
[ just to be logical about it ]
So... if all that's left is you and your mourning, then isn't that worth giving time to?
... because if you treasure your time together, it is worth suffering from the unexpected loss of it. The acknowledgement that this person touched your life, and how hard it is to let go. Even if it's just a day or a few hours, or however long you have.
[ it doesn't need to be big or dramatic, even yves doesn't break down crying over every death. but... he does feel it, even though he comes from the country beloved by Death ]
If you cared for someone in life, it's reasonable and... in my opinion, even kind, to mourn them in death.
and yves has no answer for it. instead, he can only scoot his chair over closer to claude so that they're side by side, leaning lightly against him again as he's so used to by now and lightly knocking their heads together. ]
I know. I'm sorry. I can't fix that. [ wouldn't, even if he could, when this ache is part of what it means to care. ]
... but we can at least be carrying that pain together, so it's not so lonely.
[ A part of his focus was on something else. Someone else. But he comes closer to the present when Yves scoots over, eyes opening again and body tensing as a part of him closes off and tucks those distant thoughts back away.
It's instinct, habits etched in deep to the behaviours of his body. ]
Thank you. [ A sigh, his usual demeanour returning. ] Might as well take advantage of the day we get before the one-two punch of tomorrow and the day after.
[ he feels a little flicker of guilt when he feels that tension, wondering if he mistepped... but he won't bring attention to it if claude doesn't. he only runs his thumb against the back of claude's hand again, trying to soothe. ]
I think everyone agrees that all parts of the weekend are tough but...
You were there for me when I needed someone last week. I'd like to return the favor today.
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You okay, Claude?
[ no weird pains this week? ]
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Sure. Are you?
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[ last week was an outlier for how deeply destroyed yves got ]
Did I interrupt your privacy?
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No no, feel free to join me. [ Gestures to the empty chair. ] Were you close with her?
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... maybe?
I know a bit about her life, her hopes, her dreams. She played music for me once... It was really beautiful. I'll miss talking to her.
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[ He looks interested. ]
What was it like?
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[ and he'll draw the shape out on the table between them, and then mime the actions that waner took to make actual music ]
She learned from her mother. They were really close.
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[ . . . ]
I'll miss talking to her too.
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We were similar in a lot of ways, so I guess I felt a kinship with her.
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It must be hard to lose someone you felt could understand you…
Can I do anything for you?
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I'm not sure. I don't really... know. How to process loss.
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yves will just silently reach his hand out, palm up, across the table? ]
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I don't really have all the answers. I've lost a lot of people, and it hurts every time.
But... if there's anything I've learned, it's... you don't have to know how to feel. Emotions can just come and go.
And if there's anything I can do for you as someone who's still here, even if it's just not leaving you alone with those thoughts... I will.
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It's frustrating. I'm trying to... feel, but my head is full of thoughts telling me that's not an effective use of time.
That I should be doing something useful.
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(this too is like scien even tho yves would never hold scien's hand like this) ]
If you want to walk around and look for clues, we can do that. But I think... after two weeks of this, I'm not sure if that's an effective use of time either.
[ just to be logical about it ]
So... if all that's left is you and your mourning, then isn't that worth giving time to?
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What's so worthwhile about it? [ He shakes his head. ] You're right. And I know it.
But in my head I can't make the argument.
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[ it doesn't need to be big or dramatic, even yves doesn't break down crying over every death. but... he does feel it, even though he comes from the country beloved by Death ]
If you cared for someone in life, it's reasonable and... in my opinion, even kind, to mourn them in death.
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Except... ] But it's painful.
[ Which is kind of a childish excuse, but it is what it is. He doesn't want to feel hurt; never had the luxury, space, or time. ]
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and yves has no answer for it. instead, he can only scoot his chair over closer to claude so that they're side by side, leaning lightly against him again as he's so used to by now and lightly knocking their heads together. ]
I know. I'm sorry. I can't fix that. [ wouldn't, even if he could, when this ache is part of what it means to care. ]
... but we can at least be carrying that pain together, so it's not so lonely.
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It's instinct, habits etched in deep to the behaviours of his body. ]
Thank you. [ A sigh, his usual demeanour returning. ] Might as well take advantage of the day we get before the one-two punch of tomorrow and the day after.
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I think everyone agrees that all parts of the weekend are tough but...
You were there for me when I needed someone last week. I'd like to return the favor today.
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He leans back enough that he can meet Yves' gaze with an amused little smile. ]
I know that you're reliable, Yves.
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but yves just smiles back ]
Then I'll take the compliment. Rely on me more.
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