[ he's trying to think about it, how to articulate in a way that makes sense to someone who might not see the inherent worth in it ]
... I saw how my parents loved each other, even though they were Relivers. To choose someone, with all their flaws and their strengths, and then have them choose you, too. It seems... nice. Reassuring, to be cared for.
To be told you don't need to do anything to deserve it, you're just worthy of love as you are.
[ yves works so hard to earn the love of others. he's made himself easier to love, even if it means filing away the worst parts of himself. maybe it's why he's been hoping that one day, someday, someone would appear and be able to see all his twisted parts and think he's still worth something.
claude flicks his forehead and says that so sweetly and there's a little bit of ache in yves's heart that whispers I wish you would before he mentally vice grips it into silence
instead he just... laughs. a little weakly. touched. ]
... happy to illuminate it for you, even a little bit.
Same to you, Claude. Even if it's not in your plans.
[ It's not in his plans, but that doesn't mean he's opposed to it or doesn't appreciate the sentiment.
Anyway, the mirrors are awake again, taking them to another scene.
—In Ailell—the aptly named Valley of Torment—over a hundred Imperial soldiers die at the hands of your strategy.
Well. Technically, they die at the hands of the church forces sent to ambush them. But Edelgard had requested that you send support to her troops with two objectives: 1) rescue her soldiers, and 2) eliminate the church's presence. In order to ensure you achieved objective 2 without any casualties to your own men, you had to forfeit objective 1.
Because you're in a precarious position: a newly titled king with everything to lose. The other nobles don't trust you, and the citizens are exhausted by war. You have to keep casualties to a minimum if you want to protect the delicate power of balance that has been laid out for Leicester, even at the cost of your allies' lives.
You had decided already that you would prioritize being a good king over being a good man. Now it's time live with the consequences of that decision.
yves has seen so many of these instances this week—war and the way that it's battered people in horrible situations. perhaps he comes from the island beloved by death, but he still wouldn't ever claim to have seen destruction on this scale. the struggle of these types of decisions being made, and deciding who gets to live and die.
afterward, he looks back over with claude with an expression filled only with concern. yves can see both sides of the argument, to the point that he doesn't think it's right for him to claim right or wrong. that's never been his mentality to begin with. ]
... Claude. [ reaches to take his hand gently, if he's allowed ] Are you alright?
[ can't disagree there. anyone who wants that much power or shrugs it off probably shouldn't have it. ]
From what I've seen... Scien was the default leader of our country for a few decades, and he holed himself up in the Institute only focusing on his research so he could save as many lives as possible. People mistook him for a god, and I think ultimately that's what led to... how we lost him.
[ . . . ]
I think the only thing that could've saved him would've been more outstretched hands. People who'd cross the boundary... even if convincing him to take them would've been a trial worthy of suffering Hades. [ yves loves scien but he also knows scien is a bitch ] No one could replace him in his role and responsibility, no. No one else could do what Scien did.
... but at least he wouldn't have been so alone, when he started to lose what he cherished.
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That doesn't make it okay. [ His brows furrow. ] And I wish you hadn't erased the parts of yourself that you thought were difficult but...
I get it. I know that sometimes you have to change to survive.
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... you must think I'm pretty strange. [ a little mumbled ] Even I know that I am.
[ his brain is so busted from trauma ]
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[ C'mere... He'll brush his fingers through Yves' hair, calmer now, at least on the surface. ]
Besides, all my life people have been telling me how strange I am too. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
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what, almost make yves hope again?
he tilts head his automatically to follow claude’s touch, even as he finds himself smiling ]
I don’t know what they could call you strange for… I think you’re wonderful.
So… I guess you’re right.
[ if being strange is something they can share ]
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[ Patting his hair before letting his hand drop. He looks... thoughtful. ]
Yves... do you think that you're loved?
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[ there are people here who truly love him, and he's willing to believe that ]
Even if it's not the way I want to be loved... that's alright.
[ he really is trying to not be greedy ]
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How do you want to be loved?
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[ though at least he is able to sound a little sheepish when he says it. ]
... but like I said... I'm trying not to be selfish or greedy about it.
It's amazing to me already to receive all the care that I do.
[ so maybe it's fine to stop at this much ]
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[ Genuinely curious... He doesn't really understand the need. ]
Is there a specific reason?
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Do you not want to fall in love, Claude?
[ he's trying to think about it, how to articulate in a way that makes sense to someone who might not see the inherent worth in it ]
... I saw how my parents loved each other, even though they were Relivers. To choose someone, with all their flaws and their strengths, and then have them choose you, too. It seems... nice. Reassuring, to be cared for.
To be told you don't need to do anything to deserve it, you're just worthy of love as you are.
[ which is a contrast to yves's
everything ]
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It's sweet, and for a moment he can understand the yearning for such care and consideration.
But he doesn't have enough optimism to put desire behind such personal fantasies. ]
It's not on my bucket list, I'll say that much. [ He has a lot of work to focus on. ] But I understand why you'd want it.
[ Flicks his forehead, friendly. ]
You deserve to be chosen.
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claude flicks his forehead and says that so sweetly and there's a little bit of ache in yves's heart that whispers I wish you would before he mentally vice grips it into silence
instead he just... laughs. a little weakly. touched. ]
... happy to illuminate it for you, even a little bit.
Same to you, Claude. Even if it's not in your plans.
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[ It's not in his plans, but that doesn't mean he's opposed to it or doesn't appreciate the sentiment.
Anyway, the mirrors are awake again, taking them to another scene.
—In Ailell—the aptly named Valley of Torment—over a hundred Imperial soldiers die at the hands of your strategy.
Well. Technically, they die at the hands of the church forces sent to ambush them. But Edelgard had requested that you send support to her troops with two objectives: 1) rescue her soldiers, and 2) eliminate the church's presence. In order to ensure you achieved objective 2 without any casualties to your own men, you had to forfeit objective 1.
Because you're in a precarious position: a newly titled king with everything to lose. The other nobles don't trust you, and the citizens are exhausted by war. You have to keep casualties to a minimum if you want to protect the delicate power of balance that has been laid out for Leicester, even at the cost of your allies' lives.
You had decided already that you would prioritize being a good king over being a good man. Now it's time live with the consequences of that decision.
But your friend doesn't see it the way you do, her outrage as fiery as the battlefield you stand on. You field her anger, and Judith's chastising. Because you have to. It's your responsibility to be sympathetic to the people that you serve, even though it stings when she questions your friendship. One of your dearest friends. How could she think that about you?
But perhaps being a good king means you can't be a good friend either, and that's just something you'll have to bear. ]
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yves has seen so many of these instances this week—war and the way that it's battered people in horrible situations. perhaps he comes from the island beloved by death, but he still wouldn't ever claim to have seen destruction on this scale. the struggle of these types of decisions being made, and deciding who gets to live and die.
afterward, he looks back over with claude with an expression filled only with concern. yves can see both sides of the argument, to the point that he doesn't think it's right for him to claim right or wrong. that's never been his mentality to begin with. ]
... Claude. [ reaches to take his hand gently, if he's allowed ] Are you alright?
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Eventually, he just sighs and shakes his head. ]
Yeah. It was a bad decision on my part, and they were right to call me out on it. I'm glad for it, actually.
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... I'm learning a lot about war this week. [ the sheer scale of devastation that he only experienced once toward the end of his life ]
But... I'm glad you have trustworthy companions who you can rely on to adjust your course.
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It's not something you should learn about if you can help it.
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[ the scale of it is different, even if commanding people and being responsible for their lives is familiar ]
It doesn't change that it must be a heavy burden for you to carry.... and made harder when you care so much about people.
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[ If it's taken lightly, then that's a problem. ]
But I do wonder if there's a way to do it without being suffocated, a little. So far I haven't received any positive answers.
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From what I've seen... Scien was the default leader of our country for a few decades, and he holed himself up in the Institute only focusing on his research so he could save as many lives as possible. People mistook him for a god, and I think ultimately that's what led to... how we lost him.
[ . . . ]
I think the only thing that could've saved him would've been more outstretched hands. People who'd cross the boundary... even if convincing him to take them would've been a trial worthy of suffering Hades. [ yves loves scien but he also knows scien is a bitch ] No one could replace him in his role and responsibility, no. No one else could do what Scien did.
... but at least he wouldn't have been so alone, when he started to lose what he cherished.