[ he pauses for a moment, thinking about how he wants to reply ]
Because I'm a person who wants to be loved more than anything else. And when I was younger, when I realized how badly I craved it... I decided that I would love everyone, in hopes that maybe someday it would be enough to get someone to come and love me.
So when I made that decision... I gave up feelings like contempt. Spite. Hatred.
[ it was a hard rewire in his brain—in both his desperation and trauma after everything that happened to him. to rid himself of every emotion he didn't want to feel, because it would have been too heavy to carry otherwise ]
[ Well, he'll at least clink his beer to Yves's. Try to bring the mood back somewhere nice, like Yves was trying in the first place. And we can wrap this up whee. ]
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Why do you think that?
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Because I'm a person who wants to be loved more than anything else. And when I was younger, when I realized how badly I craved it... I decided that I would love everyone, in hopes that maybe someday it would be enough to get someone to come and love me.
So when I made that decision... I gave up feelings like contempt. Spite. Hatred.
[ it was a hard rewire in his brain—in both his desperation and trauma after everything that happened to him. to rid himself of every emotion he didn't want to feel, because it would have been too heavy to carry otherwise ]
In the end... I'm just selfish and bizarre.
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Marcoh is quiet about it. ]
I don't think you're selfish. I don't think it is so strange to want to be loved.
Being able to give up everything else in pursuit of it, is impressive.
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but he looks confused. surprised ]
... you don't think I'm strange and disturbing?
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but he does admit, softly: ] ... it's okay if you get tired of it at some point. I know it can be troublesome. I know it was, today.
[ to care so much about others and want to show them love so plainly that he'll offer his own life ]
... but thank you.
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[ First and foremost. Getting to know why is always nice, if nothing else. But. ]
If you want for love, though, I think you should not be so ready to abandon it yourself either.
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... I'm probably difficult to love. For a lot of reasons.
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Two decades of experience?
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That's not "you are".
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[ but it's hard, when he keeps craving it so badly. ]
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[ Yves you are truly the sweetest most loving existence Marcoh has ever met point blank period. He clearly finds this shocking. ]
I would have preferred my sister dated someone like you.
[ Assumes he's straight too. Rip. ]
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but that makes him laugh a bit, sheepish ]
Thanks. If she's even half as sweet as you are, I think that would've been nice.
[ oughgalwkhegawklheg ]
... I think the only person here who could've had a chance of loving me was Adolphe.
[ and he sounds okay with that. maybe he did learn bisexuality this week ]
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To be honest. I really don't get it.
[ He truly does not understand why Yves thinks he's so unlovable. He ain't afraid of you, CIPA twink. ]
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... I don't mind talking about it.
But after tonight, is this really what you want to focus on? I know those 9 hours was hard for you too.
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Not that I like being in there, but I'd rather help take your mind off stuff.
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[ he lets his thumb run lightly over the back of marcoh's knuckles ]
I'm okay now. Really. It helps already when you're near.
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As long as you are.
[ He's always been this way too. ]
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I'm as okay as I can be.
And you've done a lot to help that. Thank you.
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[ Well, he'll at least clink his beer to Yves's. Try to bring the mood back somewhere nice, like Yves was trying in the first place. And we can wrap this up whee. ]