[ a little hum of understanding, even as yves just lets his chin rest on marcoh's shoulder to try to look at his expression ]
I think getting out of the city you were in was the right move. If that's where their power is, I don't think they can follow you all that far.
... if he was bothering her, then you still gave her a chance at freedom, Marcoh. Even if it's a little risky. I hope you don't blame yourself too much when you're already doing everything you can to protect her.
I don't... regret killing Riccardo. I don't wish that I had to. But if I am asked to regret it, I don't know that I can.
It wasn't just threats. He made me do things. I never intended to get caught up in that. But he did. I may not have been the best, but if I burn, it will have been because of him.
And I'd do it again if I saw him in Hell. I wouldn't hesitate.
[ ...
His shoulders get quite tense even as they walk, but he tries to push all that back down. ]
even when he feels that tension, yves will just let his own hold around marcoh's shoulders tighten a little bit - not enough to be uncomfortable, but very much like he's trying to give him a hug from behind
it breaks his heart to hear it. the only pain yves ever knows is when he receives it secondhand from someone else, and feels the way it aches in his chest to hear the people he loves so dearly go through such suffering ]
... someone asked me this about my own situation but...
Have you ever thought that maybe your redemption is... forgiving yourself? Instead of forgiving him?
[ The close distance is the only thing that lets Yves probably catch a faint trace of his pulse. A little fast. The only thing betraying his nervousness at the very thought of it all. ]
...
The only ones who could forgive me are silent or dead.
[ marcoh...... yves will just keep giving him this hug ]
... you can forgive yourself. For the things that you were made to do, that you would have never chosen on your own. It might take time, and it might not be easy but... I suppose redemption isn't meant to be easy.
[ . . . ]
You don't deserve to burn, Marcoh. You really are very kind. And at the very least... I'll stay with you, until you arrive where you need to go.
[ Easier said than done. Isn't everything? He sits in church every damn Saturday and Sunday with the beaming stare of the crystal down on him like a hot sear, looking for murderers in the halls when he knows he himself is one. He hasn't even told Yves everything, every emotion he'd felt as he burst, and it's from his point of view too anyway. Of course he'd look sympathetic, right? That's not what they'd all say. He's sure that's not what Alll-mer would say.
Yves is right. Redemption was never meant to be easy. ]
...I think we're almost out. Then you can sit on a train, maybe have Lucas look at that leg.
It was embarrassing for me... I don't just break down like that on anyone...
I at least try to have it together for people [ perhaps too much, given how hard he tries to look after others ] but... you really do make it feel safer, for me. I didn't think I'd get to have that after I lost Adolphe.
So I'd like to try to help you feel that safe with me, too.
[ He goes quiet, but it's because he's thinking about it. It is somewhat dawning that he doesn't know what that's like. He's always been the brother and protector, the safe umbrella to stand under.
It's not a sad revelation, more than that he thinks it's nice of Yves to offer. It does remind him of how his sister tries it, always tells her she'll do her part in looking after him too. Just the two of them, looking after each other. ]
yves swings wildly between those he supports as their steady figure, and then those he truly becomes a dumb needy brat around because they're his steady figure. marcoh has ended up in the latter, but yves doesn't see anything wrong with a relationship that goes both ways.
though to lighten up the mood a little, he does give marcoh another squeeze and a bold declaration ]
Then you can swoon and cry into my arms any day, Marcoh!
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[ a little hum of understanding, even as yves just lets his chin rest on marcoh's shoulder to try to look at his expression ]
I think getting out of the city you were in was the right move. If that's where their power is, I don't think they can follow you all that far.
... if he was bothering her, then you still gave her a chance at freedom, Marcoh. Even if it's a little risky. I hope you don't blame yourself too much when you're already doing everything you can to protect her.
no subject
It wasn't just threats. He made me do things. I never intended to get caught up in that. But he did. I may not have been the best, but if I burn, it will have been because of him.
And I'd do it again if I saw him in Hell. I wouldn't hesitate.
[ ...
His shoulders get quite tense even as they walk, but he tries to push all that back down. ]
Not really very "redemption-minded" of me.
no subject
even when he feels that tension, yves will just let his own hold around marcoh's shoulders tighten a little bit - not enough to be uncomfortable, but very much like he's trying to give him a hug from behind
it breaks his heart to hear it. the only pain yves ever knows is when he receives it secondhand from someone else, and feels the way it aches in his chest to hear the people he loves so dearly go through such suffering ]
... someone asked me this about my own situation but...
Have you ever thought that maybe your redemption is... forgiving yourself? Instead of forgiving him?
no subject
...
The only ones who could forgive me are silent or dead.
no subject
... you can forgive yourself. For the things that you were made to do, that you would have never chosen on your own. It might take time, and it might not be easy but... I suppose redemption isn't meant to be easy.
[ . . . ]
You don't deserve to burn, Marcoh. You really are very kind. And at the very least... I'll stay with you, until you arrive where you need to go.
[ back to life, with his sister ]
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Yves is right. Redemption was never meant to be easy. ]
...I think we're almost out. Then you can sit on a train, maybe have Lucas look at that leg.
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... Marcoh.
[ rests his head against marcoh's back ]
Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I still really love you, you know.
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[ Yves really is too sweet. Much more than he can consciously deserve, but he doesn't want to prove Yves right either. ]
Thanks. I know it is not exactly, dinner conversation kind of thing.
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Maybe not... but I've already sobbed on you, so I think we're a little past the point of no return, don't you think?
I'm really not letting you go, or carry all this alone.
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He seems to recluse in on himself a little bit at hair kiss. Not in an embarrassed way, nor in like. A pulling away way. A secret third way...... ]
I raised my baby sister on my own, you think a bit of getting sobbed on will stop me?
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yves just seems amused ]
It was embarrassing for me... I don't just break down like that on anyone...
I at least try to have it together for people [ perhaps too much, given how hard he tries to look after others ] but... you really do make it feel safer, for me. I didn't think I'd get to have that after I lost Adolphe.
So I'd like to try to help you feel that safe with me, too.
no subject
It's not a sad revelation, more than that he thinks it's nice of Yves to offer. It does remind him of how his sister tries it, always tells her she'll do her part in looking after him too. Just the two of them, looking after each other. ]
I hear you. I will not say no.
no subject
[ it's good enough for him.
yves swings wildly between those he supports as their steady figure, and then those he truly becomes a dumb needy brat around because they're his steady figure. marcoh has ended up in the latter, but yves doesn't see anything wrong with a relationship that goes both ways.
though to lighten up the mood a little, he does give marcoh another squeeze and a bold declaration ]
Then you can swoon and cry into my arms any day, Marcoh!