[ there's a long, long, long wait. like yves is at war with himself, trying to fight against this feeling of loneliness alongside its twin enemy of shame. he doesn't want to fall apart. this isn't even the first time he's lost a friend, but.
he didn't give jiao much of a choice after jing yuan passed. eventually, a long while later, there's just a simple text back: ]
so jiaoqiu heads off. he takes the train, he slowly makes his way across the beach. he thinks, because it never gets easier, to lose someone you love. you either feel it so keenly every time that it takes the breath from you, or you lose the capability to feel at all. he's not sure which one is worse.
but jiaoqiu can head to the cave, and then through the door that leads to the clouds. he'll find they're in a familiar formation: a field of pitch black lycoris flowers. amidst them all, yves has at least come out to the edge so jiaoqiu doesn't need to find his way through the field. even if they're fake. even if they can disappear.
yves looks in his direction and attempts the smallest, weakest, most pathetic smile known to man ]
[ he sighs out, instinctive. yves isn't a baby, jiaoqiu knows, but that sad little smile and hoarse voice breaks up something rough and bricklike in his chest. he makes his way carefully across the cave, and offers out one hand. take. ]
Come here, now.
[ the least he can do is give him a hug, even if it's not always his first instinct. ]
[ oh to be called a child!! it punches something that's almost a laugh out of his chest. he's had enough time to compose himself enough to be okay being touched, and so he will take jiaoqiu's hand and come in closer for that hug.
yves clings on a little, unconsciously. a little desperate. ]
Sorry. [ he knows he's not composed. ] It's... not even the first time...
It's good to still feel the pain of it, even though it hurts. You don't need to apologize for feeling.
[ he murmurs, resting his hand gently against the back of yves's head. he knows that doesn't necessarily sound like a plus, but it's better to get it out, to feel it rather than nothing. ]
[ he makes a soft noise of acknowledgement. this is probably true. there's a lot of things that yves can't feel anymore, but it's fine if grief is one because it's so tied to love. ]
[ it takes him a second, but he does gather himself again. the grief comes and goes, the emotions sweeping him up with it. ]
... I know.
I just... want to be where he is.
[ such a simple, petulant complaint that no one can truly answer. but there's always been something about adolphe that makes yves so terribly demanding for once, instead of generous. ]
Of course. I don't think anybody would begrudge you for wanting to be with your friend over a group of people you've known a week. I know, I know, you care all the same, but.
[ still. ]
You would be missed, and I know that Lucas, at the very least, would prefer you to be where he can reach.
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But I don't know what to say.
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he didn't give jiao much of a choice after jing yuan passed. eventually, a long while later, there's just a simple text back: ]
cave
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so jiaoqiu heads off. he takes the train, he slowly makes his way across the beach. he thinks, because it never gets easier, to lose someone you love. you either feel it so keenly every time that it takes the breath from you, or you lose the capability to feel at all. he's not sure which one is worse.
up to the cave he goes. and, gently: ]
Yves?
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but jiaoqiu can head to the cave, and then through the door that leads to the clouds. he'll find they're in a familiar formation: a field of pitch black lycoris flowers. amidst them all, yves has at least come out to the edge so jiaoqiu doesn't need to find his way through the field. even if they're fake. even if they can disappear.
yves looks in his direction and attempts the smallest, weakest, most pathetic smile known to man ]
... hi, Jiao.
[ softly, voice so obviously hoarse from crying ]
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[ he sighs out, instinctive. yves isn't a baby, jiaoqiu knows, but that sad little smile and hoarse voice breaks up something rough and bricklike in his chest. he makes his way carefully across the cave, and offers out one hand. take. ]
Come here, now.
[ the least he can do is give him a hug, even if it's not always his first instinct. ]
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yves clings on a little, unconsciously. a little desperate. ]
Sorry. [ he knows he's not composed. ] It's... not even the first time...
[ and yet he's still like this ]
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[ he murmurs, resting his hand gently against the back of yves's head. he knows that doesn't necessarily sound like a plus, but it's better to get it out, to feel it rather than nothing. ]
It never gets easier. I'm sorry, Yves.
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... I'm sorry too. [ softly ]
I'll be better tomorrow.
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[ gentle, gentle. he knows how to be, when he needs to. ]
You know that you have many to support you, and everyone will understand that you need time to breathe. You are loved, as well.
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loved, is it?
softly, and voice a little rougher as he fights back another wave of tears: ]
... I'm lucky. Thank you.
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he pets gently at yves's hair, letting him settle. he doesn't mind if he cries - it really is better that someone does, because jiaoqiu can't do it. ]
Of course.
I know it barely brings any relief, but his soul isn't gone. Just missing. It will be found. I believe that.
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... I know.
I just... want to be where he is.
[ such a simple, petulant complaint that no one can truly answer. but there's always been something about adolphe that makes yves so terribly demanding for once, instead of generous. ]
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[ he has people like that too. feixiao, moze. jing yuan, to an extent. ]
I'd like it if you'd hold on, though. Stay with us, and forgive my selfishness. [ just... in case. ]
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Adolphe just scolded me this week for being reckless... I don't want to scare anyone.
[ if he doesn't know that for certain he's going to wherever adolphe is, if he soul is lost, then he won't risk it. but. ]
... and I don't want anyone to think it's because... I don't care about you all.
[ about people left behind. ]
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[ still. ]
You would be missed, and I know that Lucas, at the very least, would prefer you to be where he can reach.
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[ he nods, understanding ]
... and I'd miss you all too. I just...
[ there's so much to consider. apples that people might want. the fact that yves's home is in shambles. how he doesn't think he deserves heaven. ]
There's a lot in my head. [ a beat ] ... Adolphe was normally really good at knocking sense into me.
[ he's at least self-aware ]
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Well. I'm no Adolphe, but I don't mind trying, if you'd like to unravel the mess.
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... I think I'd just like to know why.
Why Adolphe, for what reason... The apples? Or is it like what happened with Jing Yuan, and someone's not themselves?
I'd like to know for Brimstone too, of course...
[ but he's going to be more useful for one case than the other, just by nature of knowing someone for years ]