[ He considers the direction and is about to take it, but then it's memory time. He frowns as he sees it play on mirror, turn... Only to see it in another mirror. It's inescapable.
His frown presses into a thin line. Yves was just a child. ]
It's just a fucking burn.
[ In derision. How ridiculous? These people are INSANE. ]
but yves just—laughs at the statement? it surprises him, and he claps a hand over his mouth to look sheepish after. he probably shouldn't laugh? he should probably be reliving his trauma, but.
it's so funny. when he looks over to jacopo, he does look endeared... and just a little guilty. ]
[ Why is Yves laughing? Jacopo is abhorred by people's stupidity and lack of common sense. If he had a profile where it would list pet peeves, stupid people would be listed. ]
How can your island have such advanced technology yet such regressive mindsets. [ He sees him looking guilty. ] What's with the expression?
[ You can't just ask someone why they look like that. ]
You could have been. You could have not been. Man is full of potential, good and evil. That is what allows us to achieve greatness.
[ He wholly believes this despite his penchant in being difficult and avoidant of company, there's appreciation in what people can create... Because as lord, you unfortunately have to rate everyone's value. Jacopo, fortunately, understands that value does not come from birth. It comes from potential, choices, actions, ambition, everything that one person can achieve.
And what they don't achieve. ]
Maybe you don't see it, but it's on the edge of madness what you're doing. Those negative emotions—they're just as important to know. If you have them still, even an ounce somewhere in that void, then hold onto them tight and don't take them for granted... Some people are born not knowing them at all, so be grateful.
[ If he sounds tense saying this part, it's because it is. It's something... Personal. Something he has seen before, but doesn't want to unravel. It's touched on lightly, only enough for this conversation, before he moves on. ]
[ jacopo might be mean, but it's not like yves thinks so. perhaps it's that same part of letting go of his negative emotions but more than that—he thinks he can pick out the tendrils of... almost concern in jacopo's words. maybe it's too arrogant to think that, but the warning must still come from a place of dissatisfaction.
right?
he reaches out, if only to let the backs of his fingers brush against jacopo's shoulder. a barely there touch given how resistant he's been almost every time before. ]
... I don't think I'm loved at all, but I understand your sentiments. [ a beat ] And... I do think I'm abnormal. I just don't know if I can change back.
[ is it better or worse to be aware of your crazy ]
Thank you for caring enough to say something, Jacopo.
[ Maybe it's too sad to see broken people... And sadder to know some people are simply that way. That's a tragedy with no blame to cast. They're all just his opinion, of course.
He feels Yves' touch and instinctively moves his shoulder away. It isn't a violent pull back, but instead maybe fretful. ]
How can you be when not all of you is there? [ ... ] Maybe it isn't too late for you.
[ . . . ah. yves watches this memory—because sometimes you have to get through what's hard to watch in order to understand someone. there's a brief murmur of an apology that falls from his lips, but. it really is all around. ]
... maybe it isn't too late for you either.
[ if he's also missing pieces of himself, fragments that he thought he could hold onto and instead slipped away from his fingers. it makes yves frown, but he looks to jacopo with more concern than anything else. ]
[ He wasn't fast enough to break a mirror, but even then there are way too many. It plays and Jacopo feels surrounded. Funny that it would be in a place of mirrors, all reflecting back at them.
Despite his madness coming to light, he stays composed. ]
... No. It's too late.
[ His gaze isn't even on Yves, but to the side like someone else is standing there because there is. Every time where he looks off to a specific spot, where there's nothing, he sees someone no one else can. He hears someone no one else can... And it wouldn't even be right to say it's someone. They're just ghosts of broken mind, pieces snapped off so he could live with himself and his choices.
Maybe they're ridiculing him for offering any type of comfort earlier, saying it was empty. Telling him he put on a good show, it almost looked believable. How pitiful to act even a fraction of the man he used to be. Deceitful. He should be ashamed when he feels nothing at all.
But those are voices are only for him and no one else. ]
yves is normally someone who's willing to bend to the will of others—but he has limits. it occurs to him briefly, for about half a second, to let jacopo go and not discuss this. he wonders if that might be better for their relationship in the long-run, but.
what must it be like, to be alone with your thoughts? for yves to leave the voices that are so rude and callous and horrible to him be the only ones left to talk to? ]
So you're the only one who gets to decide other people's fates for them?
You still have a will of your own, don't you?! You don't need to listen to my warning! I'm not deciding for anyone! Figure it out yourself!
[ He has had his life of deciding and who thought being the one to make decisions would lead to so many consequences. Outside of that, he does think himself impotent and incapable of helping anyone. It's hard to believe in yourself when you've only gotten results through violence—violence Yves doesn't deserve.
How can hands that only know how to destroy hold anyone? They'd leave dirty crimson stains.
The voices taunt him because he, himself, believes this. Having spent years without anyone to understand him, no one having faith in him, he only had his twisted thoughts. No right to stand beside anyone... And no right to forgive himself. Hearing it vocalized strikes a nerve, or Jacopo thinks it does. It must be what that dull pang is, he isn't sure.
Maybe there was a chance here. For a moment, it was bearable in someone's presence, but that moment is gone. It's time to stop pretending. ]
Enough!
[ To the voices? To Yves? It's one of these, maybe both. ]
[ jacopo raises his voice at him and yves doesn't really mind. it's a lashing out that's immediate, reflexive, and defensive. he's seen it all before. and it's made worse by the fact that knowing that jacopo is haunted by his demons. what must he be hearing?
at the very least, yves doesn't want his voice to be one more that adds to the cacophony. ]
... if it's getting to be too much, we can stop. [ his voice is still gentle in return ] If it's still too painful to talk about, we don't have to.
But... even if I'm being selfish or intrusive, I don't want you to be alone with the cruelty you hear. [ more directly: ] I don't want to be cruel to you.
[ Unfortunately, Jacopo is loud and lashes out abruptly because he is also just a moody person in general. He has dealt with his issues fine, behaving for the past weeks, but this week—this effect with their memories—has pushed him to the edge. He can feel venomous words lodged in his throat, but he pulls them down.
They can stop, even if the voice tells him he's a person who doesn't know how. His hands clench tightly, nails biting into his palms deep. He should leave before he causes more damage. He should leave... Because he doesn't remember how to receive kindness.
And so he's going to leave for himself and for Yves. ]
no subject
[ he's really not vain
holds out paw for memory annoyingly ]
no subject
I just find it disorienting.
[ Starts wading through because he wants to get out. ]
no subject
ok yves can go first. following after! ]
I think the way out was... this way?
[ no it's not!
You won’t fool me by calling me Mother, you demon…! ]
no subject
His frown presses into a thin line. Yves was just a child. ]
It's just a fucking burn.
[ In derision. How ridiculous? These people are INSANE. ]
no subject
but yves just—laughs at the statement? it surprises him, and he claps a hand over his mouth to look sheepish after. he probably shouldn't laugh? he should probably be reliving his trauma, but.
it's so funny. when he looks over to jacopo, he does look endeared... and just a little guilty. ]
... it is, isn't it?
no subject
How can your island have such advanced technology yet such regressive mindsets. [ He sees him looking guilty. ] What's with the expression?
[ You can't just ask someone why they look like that. ]
no subject
[ he can't see his own face right now there's so many things happening on the mirrors ]
I think they're just scared. Being so close to death can make people unreasonable. But... I do like hearing your take on it.
no subject
[ Why should he care about expressions of the past that he can't change? There's just one guy stuck in this maze with him and can respond. ]
It isn't a take on anything, it's a fact. It's a burn unless you want to tell me you are actually cursed by Death.
no subject
[ endure it, even if it's just on the sake of stupidity ]
But... no. I don't think I am. I think I'm still me.
no subject
[ That's also stupid. ]
Do you really think ridding yourself of all those things will make you lovable?
no subject
[ he did save a total stranger from a burning building even as a child. there is probably a savior complex baked into this guy ]
But people do react to me a lot better this way.
[ he does feel loved here - even if he thinks it comes with... well, conditions ]
no subject
[ He wholly believes this despite his penchant in being difficult and avoidant of company, there's appreciation in what people can create... Because as lord, you unfortunately have to rate everyone's value. Jacopo, fortunately, understands that value does not come from birth. It comes from potential, choices, actions, ambition, everything that one person can achieve.
And what they don't achieve. ]
Maybe you don't see it, but it's on the edge of madness what you're doing. Those negative emotions—they're just as important to know. If you have them still, even an ounce somewhere in that void, then hold onto them tight and don't take them for granted... Some people are born not knowing them at all, so be grateful.
[ If he sounds tense saying this part, it's because it is. It's something... Personal. Something he has seen before, but doesn't want to unravel. It's touched on lightly, only enough for this conversation, before he moves on. ]
People who love you this way only want a toy.
[ i'm sorry he's mean ]
no subject
right?
he reaches out, if only to let the backs of his fingers brush against jacopo's shoulder. a barely there touch given how resistant he's been almost every time before. ]
... I don't think I'm loved at all, but I understand your sentiments. [ a beat ] And... I do think I'm abnormal. I just don't know if I can change back.
[ is it better or worse to be aware of your crazy ]
Thank you for caring enough to say something, Jacopo.
no subject
He feels Yves' touch and instinctively moves his shoulder away. It isn't a violent pull back, but instead maybe fretful. ]
How can you be when not all of you is there? [ ... ] Maybe it isn't too late for you.
[ but a new memory plays on the reflections of these mirrors. ]
no subject
... maybe it isn't too late for you either.
[ if he's also missing pieces of himself, fragments that he thought he could hold onto and instead slipped away from his fingers. it makes yves frown, but he looks to jacopo with more concern than anything else. ]
no subject
Despite his madness coming to light, he stays composed. ]
... No. It's too late.
[ His gaze isn't even on Yves, but to the side like someone else is standing there because there is. Every time where he looks off to a specific spot, where there's nothing, he sees someone no one else can. He hears someone no one else can... And it wouldn't even be right to say it's someone. They're just ghosts of broken mind, pieces snapped off so he could live with himself and his choices.
Maybe they're ridiculing him for offering any type of comfort earlier, saying it was empty. Telling him he put on a good show, it almost looked believable. How pitiful to act even a fraction of the man he used to be. Deceitful. He should be ashamed when he feels nothing at all.
But those are voices are only for him and no one else. ]
I don't want to hear any of it.
no subject
yves is normally someone who's willing to bend to the will of others—but he has limits. it occurs to him briefly, for about half a second, to let jacopo go and not discuss this. he wonders if that might be better for their relationship in the long-run, but.
what must it be like, to be alone with your thoughts? for yves to leave the voices that are so rude and callous and horrible to him be the only ones left to talk to? ]
So you're the only one who gets to decide other people's fates for them?
[ . . . ]
Is it because you don't want to forgive yourself?
no subject
[ He has had his life of deciding and who thought being the one to make decisions would lead to so many consequences. Outside of that, he does think himself impotent and incapable of helping anyone. It's hard to believe in yourself when you've only gotten results through violence—violence Yves doesn't deserve.
How can hands that only know how to destroy hold anyone? They'd leave dirty crimson stains.
The voices taunt him because he, himself, believes this. Having spent years without anyone to understand him, no one having faith in him, he only had his twisted thoughts. No right to stand beside anyone... And no right to forgive himself. Hearing it vocalized strikes a nerve, or Jacopo thinks it does. It must be what that dull pang is, he isn't sure.
Maybe there was a chance here. For a moment, it was bearable in someone's presence, but that moment is gone. It's time to stop pretending. ]
Enough!
[ To the voices? To Yves? It's one of these, maybe both. ]
no subject
at the very least, yves doesn't want his voice to be one more that adds to the cacophony. ]
... if it's getting to be too much, we can stop. [ his voice is still gentle in return ] If it's still too painful to talk about, we don't have to.
But... even if I'm being selfish or intrusive, I don't want you to be alone with the cruelty you hear. [ more directly: ] I don't want to be cruel to you.
no subject
They can stop, even if the voice tells him he's a person who doesn't know how. His hands clench tightly, nails biting into his palms deep. He should leave before he causes more damage. He should leave... Because he doesn't remember how to receive kindness.
And so he's going to leave for himself and for Yves. ]
no subject
... let me help you find the way out, Jacopo.
[ if nothing else, he can at least try this, even if he's still walking a few steps behind so he has some semblance of space ]