Because I have people I love, and I had to protect them. My opponent needed to die for that to happen, and the most certain way was if I went down, too.
[ looks over with the same smile, though he's also a pinch confused ]
What are you saying sorry for? I'm just giving my own answer. I don't expect it to be anyone else's.
[ and he'll squeeze claude's shoulder once, but as they approach the bar itself he'll pull away so he can easily vault himself over it. he makes himself home as a bartender as he points out the selection: beer, mixed drinks, shots, wow so vast ]
But here - drinks first! I can serve up whatever you'd like.
[ and he'll go to get those from the tap, practiced motions like he is used to being behind the bar counter. he'll set the two drinks in front of claude and then hop the counter again so he can sit with him properly ]
[ also drinks!! and he hums a happy little note as he immediately starts to feel a little warm... the only one who can compete with scien for king lightweight... ]
Well enough! I'm pretty adaptable. To be honest, all of this is way better than what I was expecting - which was hellfire and brimstone.
[ but he'll take a sip of his beer and look thoughtful. yves hesitates to talk about difficult subjects, but more out of concern for others' feelings than his own. he knows his history. he's not afraid of admitting it. ]
Mm... I failed to help some of my friends. I wasn't in the right place to help save one of their lives. Another time, I'd thought I'd taken care of a threat—but I didn't, and they ended up killing someone else dear to me.
Until the end, when.... another friend of mine went down a path that I couldn't help him from. And in the end, I ended up killing him. [ a beat ] He did kill me too, so I wonder... [ a beat, and then a saddened smile ]
No, I can't call that even.
[ he taps against the counter idly in thought, looking up at the drinks on the wall before looking back over at claude. there is something sad in his gaze, something a little restless ]
So I'd like to repent. I don't think I deserve to be here, but maybe eventually I could. I just still feel... unfinished.
I know it's selfish to say but - I hope I don't give you a bad impression of me off the bat. But if I did, I wouldn't blame you.
but he'll just rest his head in his hands at that, looking confused ]
I'm not sure... I wasn't very good at religious studies. Monsieur Lucas would talk about Hades sometimes, as where your soul gets ferried to after death and you repent for all the bad things you've done...
So I guess I'd just... suffer for a while?
I would've wanted to apologize directly to the people I couldn't save, but they're not here...
... What if it's a really long suffering? Like... three lifetimes worth of suffering?
[ honestly, he's also just thinking out loud. he's really not sure. it's part of why he just assumed hades had a formula he could follow ]
But I don't think it's just fair to say "I'm going to kill this one person and save dozens" either. Because to someone, that one person could be worth everything. You could be taking away someone's entire world.
[ idly taps at the counter again.... ]
... I think I was hoping someone else had the answer.
In any case, Claude's brows furrow as he thinks about it. ]
Personally, I don't think there's anything anyone can do to make up for taking someone's life. There's nothing that could... ever equal or measure up to the impact and importance of a life.
And I think we just have to live with that, and give up on the impossibility of trying to atone for something that can't be atoned for. I'm not saying not to feel remorse or try to do better, that weight isn't something you can or should shed easily.
But life is for the living. [ He's a little tense, fingers gripping his glass. ] There's no giving satisfaction to the dead, only making things better for the living.
[ And then the tension dissipates with a sigh. ]
Though the fact that we're also dead kind of puts all my feelings on their head...
[ yves answer to trolley problem would be 'would my most important person come here if he died because if so i think he'd say thank you' he really left hugo behind
but!
yves listens in turn, thoughtfully. he nods along in parts, because he agrees. honestly? ] ... if I had to pick through answers, I think I'd like yours most.
[ because there is some part of him that thinks carrying the weight of someone's life makes sense - for that to be the eternal punishment, but also... because it at least keeps someone's memory that much closer.
though he'll also let his hand come up to claude's shoulder - the touch is brief, gentle, but he gives it a small squeeze. he won't call attention to that tension, but he doesn't miss it.
softly: ]
... but I'm sorry you're here. I think that you must've made a big difference to people when you were alive. [ if he's able to provide such good answers to big questions ]
So... that's why I think it's okay, if someone has to carry your loss too. It doesn't have to be different because it's you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's not easy to find out you're dead. [ Shrugs. ] It must've come as a shock to you too, right?
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... no, not really. But I think my situation is... specific. I walked into a fight knowing I'd die.
I know that's not common though.
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Now why would you do something like that?
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Because I have people I love, and I had to protect them. My opponent needed to die for that to happen, and the most certain way was if I went down, too.
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[ His brows immediately furrow, a frown sketching over his lips. ]
Sorry. I don't think I can understand that at all.
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What are you saying sorry for? I'm just giving my own answer. I don't expect it to be anyone else's.
[ and he'll squeeze claude's shoulder once, but as they approach the bar itself he'll pull away so he can easily vault himself over it. he makes himself home as a bartender as he points out the selection: beer, mixed drinks, shots, wow so vast ]
But here - drinks first! I can serve up whatever you'd like.
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Your plan is to serve me not drink with me?
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[ He's an ale sort of boy... ]
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[ and he'll go to get those from the tap, practiced motions like he is used to being behind the bar counter. he'll set the two drinks in front of claude and then hop the counter again so he can sit with him properly ]
Is this better?
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You're not lacking in energy, Yves. [ A gentle smile. ] But it is nice to be side by side.
[ Takes a gulp! Yummy. ]
So how have you been settling in here?
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Well enough! I'm pretty adaptable. To be honest, all of this is way better than what I was expecting - which was hellfire and brimstone.
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Why would you expect to end up there?
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Well, I do think I have repenting to do... I try to be a kind person, but I know my flaws.
[ literally everyone in the virche cast will argue this vigorously but right now it's only yves ]
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[ Tilting his head. ]
What've you got to repent for?
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I don't mind saying, but are you sure you want to talk about it? I thought the drinks were meant to lift our spirits.
Though I guess they could take the sting off a difficult conversation too...
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[ It's more painful for Yves than himself. ]
I won't pry if you'd rather relax. For now, anyway.
[1/2]
[ teasing.... you are such a funny guy, claude ]
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Mm... I failed to help some of my friends. I wasn't in the right place to help save one of their lives. Another time, I'd thought I'd taken care of a threat—but I didn't, and they ended up killing someone else dear to me.
Until the end, when.... another friend of mine went down a path that I couldn't help him from. And in the end, I ended up killing him. [ a beat ] He did kill me too, so I wonder... [ a beat, and then a saddened smile ]
No, I can't call that even.
[ he taps against the counter idly in thought, looking up at the drinks on the wall before looking back over at claude. there is something sad in his gaze, something a little restless ]
So I'd like to repent. I don't think I deserve to be here, but maybe eventually I could. I just still feel... unfinished.
I know it's selfish to say but - I hope I don't give you a bad impression of me off the bat. But if I did, I wouldn't blame you.
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His expression shifts only when he stops, looking thoughtful. ]
How would you want to repent for all that?
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but he'll just rest his head in his hands at that, looking confused ]
I'm not sure... I wasn't very good at religious studies. Monsieur Lucas would talk about Hades sometimes, as where your soul gets ferried to after death and you repent for all the bad things you've done...
So I guess I'd just... suffer for a while?
I would've wanted to apologize directly to the people I couldn't save, but they're not here...
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Do you think your suffering is equal to a life? Several lives?
[ Not implying anything with his tone, almost like he's trying to figure out an answer to repentance too. ]
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[ honestly, he's also just thinking out loud. he's really not sure. it's part of why he just assumed hades had a formula he could follow ]
But I don't think it's just fair to say "I'm going to kill this one person and save dozens" either. Because to someone, that one person could be worth everything. You could be taking away someone's entire world.
[ idly taps at the counter again.... ]
... I think I was hoping someone else had the answer.
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In any case, Claude's brows furrow as he thinks about it. ]
Personally, I don't think there's anything anyone can do to make up for taking someone's life. There's nothing that could... ever equal or measure up to the impact and importance of a life.
And I think we just have to live with that, and give up on the impossibility of trying to atone for something that can't be atoned for. I'm not saying not to feel remorse or try to do better, that weight isn't something you can or should shed easily.
But life is for the living. [ He's a little tense, fingers gripping his glass. ] There's no giving satisfaction to the dead, only making things better for the living.
[ And then the tension dissipates with a sigh. ]
Though the fact that we're also dead kind of puts all my feelings on their head...
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but!
yves listens in turn, thoughtfully. he nods along in parts, because he agrees. honestly? ] ... if I had to pick through answers, I think I'd like yours most.
[ because there is some part of him that thinks carrying the weight of someone's life makes sense - for that to be the eternal punishment, but also... because it at least keeps someone's memory that much closer.
though he'll also let his hand come up to claude's shoulder - the touch is brief, gentle, but he gives it a small squeeze. he won't call attention to that tension, but he doesn't miss it.
softly: ]
... but I'm sorry you're here. I think that you must've made a big difference to people when you were alive. [ if he's able to provide such good answers to big questions ]
So... that's why I think it's okay, if someone has to carry your loss too. It doesn't have to be different because it's you.
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