yves & claude

[noirges]

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[noirges]

[ he doesn't think anything anyone can do here is right or wrong. he's not as good at being objective. every decision hurts someone, and tonight was proof enough of that.

when it comes down to it, he's not sure if he and claude can see eye to eye on what he did. he's also not entirely sure that matters when at the core of it— ]

But your opinion matters to me. And if I upset you, I do want to know.

And I do want to make things better... if there's a way to.

[ claude being unhappy with him feels so unbelievably bad ]

[midway]

[ His finger taps against the glass, still agitated. Still finding it so hard to put the emotions into words. ]

I don't think it should matter so much. My opinion, that is.

[ ... ]

I'm not as selfless a person as you.

[noirges]

If you didn't want your opinion to matter so much to me, you shouldn't have let me like you so much.

[ claude's fault? but also... sincere. he'll then try to bridge some of that gap, reaching for claude's hand that's not tapping the glass. ]

... but I don't want you to be. I don't want anyone to be. No one should be like me.

[midway]

[ His other hand is in the sling so it might be a little awkward... But he can. ]

Why do you say that?

[noirges]

[ the fucking sling that yves made and i already forgot about. claude get your arm fixed for handholding reasons.

his hold will be a little loose because he's more careful about hurting claude, but he really got so used to being close ]

I do think I'm a twisted person. I do things that are troublesome because I try so hard to love others. It probably makes me really annoying to deal with. [ said like he's heard this from someone else before.... ]

Isn't that part of why you're unhappy with me today?

[midway]

[ WHEN WILL THERE BE HEALING!! That said I haven't even asked the mods. ]

Sure, but I don't see how that makes you different from any other person in existence.

People are difficult. And they're annoying. And sometimes they're wrong. A lot. [ His brows furrow, some of his frustration starting to make sense. ] That doesn't diminish the value of their life.

[noirges]

... do you think I don't? See the value in my own life.

[ if that's what it's starting to boil down to ]

[midway]

I think you're very hard on yourself for the things that have happened to and around you.

To the point of devaluing yourself, yeah.

[noirges]

[ he looks thoughtful for a moment before giving claude's hand just a little squeeze ]

... I've been told I can be reckless. Maybe this is one of those moments.

But I don't want to die. I want to be here with you.

[midway]

[ Looks at him, lips pursed. ]

I don't think you want to die, Yves.

But I'm not sure that you're desperate to live either.

[noirges]

[ unfortunately



that's fair. ]

... I don't really have much to go back to.

But I did have fun living. I'm having fun here, when we aren't being put through Hades-inspired torture rituals for 9 hours. I don't want anyone to think that they're easy to leave behind... none of you are.

I think I just feel guilty, comparing my uncertainty with everyone else who knows exactly what they want redemption for.

[midway]

[ That's not particularly surprising to hear. ]

Do you think that's okay, to feel that way?

[noirges]

[ ? ]

Is there such a thing as a wrong way to feel?

[midway]

I suppose not.

But, for example, I can't imagine it's a good thing to go around feeling like you should die all the time either.

So I guess what I'm asking is do you think you should try and change that guilt?

[noirges]

I still don't think I should die...

[ but

he is apathetic to it, in a way that does feel dangerous and concerning to the people around him. and yves can at least recognize that it's making him a bother to others, which he does dislike. even if in the end, he's still just thinking of others and not himself. ]

But it sounds like you think I should change. [ a little squeeze of claude's fingers ] How?

[midway]

[ He blinks, looking startled. ]

I mean, I don't know. You don't really need to change just because someone tells you to, anyway.

[noirges]

[ okay? yves raises a brow and leans a little on claude's uninjured side ]

Oh? So you'll give constructive criticism without a way forward? Claude...

[ though his tone is obviously teasing, as if trying to make this just a little bit lighter ]

... I'm not against trying. I can't promise results, because I don't know how to find a reason to live either. But... I know how sad it's been making people, for me to say that I'm uncertain. I don't like that feeling either.

I'd rather not be a twisted person who just accepts making the people I love so sad for me.

[midway]

[ He doesn't rise to the teasing, instead wondering if Yves is right. ]

I was just sharing my perspective.

[ Which happened to be critical... He's bad with people... Takes a break to gulp his wine. ]

Regardless... ultimately, it's in your hands how you want to exist.

[noirges]

[ not the gulp. yves just watches ]

... I know. I just... I don't want to give you another reason to be stressed or worried. You have enough on your plate without me adding to it.

I'm glad you told me. I hope you can forgive me, but I'll do my best to earn it, too.

[midway]

[ He pauses a moment. ]

I don't know if anyone has ever asked for my forgiveness.

[noirges]

... every new thing I hear about how people treat you makes me unhappy, too.

[ just! to be upfront about it! ]

You deserve to be treated well too, Claude. Even if we sometimes disagree, I don't care for you any less. I want to make things up to you.

And if I also have to make up for everyone else who misstepped before me who found some excuse to be unfair to you, so be it.

[midway]

[ He laughs at that, finally relaxing now. ]

Thanks, Yves. I think I deserve to be treated well too. [ Claude has never had any doubt about his own worth. ]

Though I will say... usually I'm the one kicking up trouble and having to apologize.

[ Wink! ]

[noirges]

[ ah!

the sound of claude's laugh gets yves' expression to light up, pleased to hear it. he'll lean more against him then, getting cozy as he familiarly has before ]

Finally! We can trade!

[ god he's so tired and he laughs ] I'm tired of being a nuisance this weekend... Thank you for carrying my weight, but I hope you don't have to anymore.

[midway]

[ This kid... is so annoying. Bonks their heads together. ]

You weren't a nuisance, Yves. But you're welcome.

[noirges]

[ he IS so annoying... claude bonks their heads together and yves laughs quietly, turning so their foreheads are pressed together instead ]

Please remember you can lean on me, too.

I know this weekend wasn't easy for anyone.