the thing is that yves has been pulling back from people. earlier in the trial, he was the one giving out all the hugs. he was the comforting presence. so much and so often, he tries to make himself the comforting presence. but now people are afraid of him, in small ways, and that's made him pull away.
when richie offers the arm around his shoulders, he leans in automatically because in the end his soul is still twisted. he wants comfort, even after what he did today. he's the murderer, and yet he seeks this acceptance. it does make him feel more selfish, yes, but he is so grateful. he is so warm. ]
... I'll be okay. I feel bad making people worry about me so much, when I'm the one who caused the disruption today.
[ he doesn't think he deserves it, even as he sinks against richie ]
I hope she's received warmly. She deserves something kinder than what her ending was.
You shouldn't. People offer comfort when they want to. You haven't twisted any of our arms here, Yves.
[He leans his head against the younger man's, gives him a wee pat.]
I hope so too. I think it might be easier to let bygones be bygones, once you're off the hook over here.
...It's okay to feel rotten about it, too, though. We're not asking you to pretend it doesn't hurt. [Because it would. And it does. Taking a life is an existential eclipse, staggering regardless of circumstance or intentions.] We're only asking you show yourself the same forgiveness you spread to everyone else. It wasn't malicious, and it was gonna happen one way or another.
[ . . . it's probably true. it was always going to happen, whenever someone found out. and he just happened to be the first person to find out, and the first person to act. it was sudden because he thinks there is something horrible about watching people decide your fate in front of you when it's the last thing you want. sitting with the betrayal of what had yves had done, instead of the sharp and sudden slice of it.
he doesn't expect forgiveness, but he does know it was necessary. ]
... it's a little different for me. [ he can't forgive himself the way he'd forgive everyone else because he doesn't love himself like he loves everyone else. that's a fact. ] But... I'll at least try to not let it weigh me down too heavily, Monsieur Richie.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
the thing is that yves has been pulling back from people. earlier in the trial, he was the one giving out all the hugs. he was the comforting presence. so much and so often, he tries to make himself the comforting presence. but now people are afraid of him, in small ways, and that's made him pull away.
when richie offers the arm around his shoulders, he leans in automatically because in the end his soul is still twisted. he wants comfort, even after what he did today. he's the murderer, and yet he seeks this acceptance. it does make him feel more selfish, yes, but he is so grateful. he is so warm. ]
... I'll be okay. I feel bad making people worry about me so much, when I'm the one who caused the disruption today.
[ he doesn't think he deserves it, even as he sinks against richie ]
I hope she's received warmly. She deserves something kinder than what her ending was.
no subject
[He leans his head against the younger man's, gives him a wee pat.]
I hope so too. I think it might be easier to let bygones be bygones, once you're off the hook over here.
...It's okay to feel rotten about it, too, though. We're not asking you to pretend it doesn't hurt. [Because it would. And it does. Taking a life is an existential eclipse, staggering regardless of circumstance or intentions.] We're only asking you show yourself the same forgiveness you spread to everyone else. It wasn't malicious, and it was gonna happen one way or another.
no subject
he doesn't expect forgiveness, but he does know it was necessary. ]
... it's a little different for me. [ he can't forgive himself the way he'd forgive everyone else because he doesn't love himself like he loves everyone else. that's a fact. ] But... I'll at least try to not let it weigh me down too heavily, Monsieur Richie.
Just... need some time.